I'll take a T, please Bob

I'm showing my age again but Blockbusters was a TV staple as I was growing up. Today's letter is T for the train of thought, which I keep losing at the minute. So this month's post is a jumble of randomness that I need to get out of my brain, otherwise, I won't be able to concentrate on actual things that need to get done.

Blockbusters TV Show hosted by Bob Holness

A shoutout first

I have just enrolled in the fabulous Dre Beltrami's membership 'Brandishing You' honestly this woman is just awesomesauce for all the things branding. Dre is the reason I allowed myself to swear on my own website rather than being a plastic barbie doll version of myself, I have been stalking her for YEARS the second I saw the course notification pop up I crossed my fingers for 'in budget' pricing (it was) and dived right in.

So in the coming months, I expect things will change around here a fair bit, apart from the swearing that stays. It's an intrinsic part of myself along with the OCD, migraines and other things I won't mention here.

I'm so excited to join her and all the other people in this challenge.

A gif showing a group of girls dancing

The LucidFox colour scheme

Usually, I have a bit on my website about the version and the colour scheme, but quite frankly I couldn't be arsed this time around. But for people that want to know this is V4.0 and the colour scheme was inspired by this little beauty from the 90s.

A picture of the CBR600F in the 90's Benneton colours.

Yes, this is a Honda CBR600F, yes I'm a Kawasaki fan girl but I've done the lime green and black website before (back when my business had a different name) I wanted something bold and in your face and a touch girly (only a touch) I nearly bought one of these a few years ago, but the owner had done a shitty respray job on it and the cost to get it back to its natural state would have been more than the bike was worth so I passed.

But that jelly mould <3 and it was perfect for my short-arsed self *cries in frustrated biker*.

Spoopy Season is here!

Finally the end of my allergies! This year I've basically been in a lockdown of my own making due to the severity of my hayfever this year. Was it just me or was the pollen extra vicious this year?

I couldn't see half of the time, breathing, well not without a death rattle wheeze on top and the constant sneezing. The concoction of medications I was taking to just get through the day was scary. Leave the house, heh, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye!

The best thing about the spooky season in my new house is the distinct lack of children \o/ huzzah, no more kids turning up in a bin bag demanding sweets. I don't mind trick or treating but at least put some effort into it for fuck sake!

Though I do miss some of the kiddos I had known over the years at my old place, Pudding was famous if they didn't see him when they knocked on the door they were delighted when I informed them he was filling in for another witches cat that evening, flying around causing mayhem. The funny part of that is Pudding absolutely despises children he hisses at them and everything.

Salem the cat from Sabrina laughing evilly

The Golden Child aka Rasputin

Rasputin has been going through a destructive phase shredding everything, and I'm an avid note taker (I don't learn things if I don't write them down) so many of my notes became fodder for my golden child/demon.

He is too intelligent, I think most of my cats are, to be honest. 'Hello, I'd like one order of a dumb cat please'. My house is like an episode of Pinky and the Brain, but with cats and they are all 'the brain'. So I did what every self-respecting cat owner does, I threw money at the problem, and thanks to amazon prime this glorious toy arrived the next day.

A picture of the puzzle and play toy

I was so proud of myself thinking this would keep him entertained and he would have to show me how intelligent he really was to find all the treats hidden under the leaves and in the pots. I figured we would get a few hours of him trying, failing and probably walking off in a huff.

Well, fuck my life it took him 15 minutes to figure it out and get all the treats. It took me longer to set the bloody thing up and add the treats to it! He still gets excited when I add treats to it and set it on the floor and he has to work for a solid 5 minutes to get the goods, but I was hoping for more of a challenge for him *sigh*

Well that's all

Thank you for another episode of stepping into Sam's brain, I'm sorry it can be a bit of a confusing mess. I'm actually planning some posts regarding the joys of being a web designer/developer later possibly stories from people I know will be included in that. It seems I dare to share this random bullshit on my business website where many others wouldn't *evil cackle* I don't really know if thats good a bad. One day i might set fire to all of this or move it out of sight if I decide its a bad idea.

The Death of Motivation

I'm not going to lie, the 1st lockdown was good for business everyone got behind the virtual meetings there was lots of work to do to ensure clients could still run their business and it was booming.

Fry from futurama holding out money

But then the 2nd lockdown hit now everyone had already updated their way of working and their tools during the 1st lockdown so I had nothing to do on that front, and everyone was now just keeping their business afloat we didn't know how long it would last, no one trusted the buffoon in charge (he is/was a buffoon fight me) with the promises of the end to lockdown and the end of the pandemic.

Boris Johnson on a zip line

So I was doing much the same as everyone else and keeping the lights on, thankfully I ended up moving in with a friend (part of my support 'bubble' so no lockdown rules broken) which reduced my costs to live considerably and everything was just ticking along nicely.

It's all too peopley..

People say you can be demotivated by loneliness.. not me I like being alone I can get things done without CONSTANT interruptions. I was demotivated by living with someone..

'Would you like a cup of tea?'

An innocent question and you might think it would be nice to be asked.. but for the 15th fucking time in the morning when you are trying to code up a website it becomes a little annoying.

And when you have the audacity to respond a little sharply you get that hurt expression from the person asking the question 'Well there's no need to shout'

I wasn't shouting I just didn't have my customer service voice on or smile at you like I love being asked that question (which I don't when I'm trying to work).

Man bopping at desk with headphones on

Even having headphones on and bopping away while I was working didn't stop it, at this point in time I was facing away from the door to my 'office' so loud music in my ears bopping away oblivious to everything but some 'bangin' tunes and the code on my screen (it's my happy place) then the horror as I'm tapped on the shoulder to ask if I wanted a cup of fucking tea.

Captain Jack Sparrow Screaming

I've lived alone for over 10 years and I just forgot I now share space with someone other than a cat the terror of being tapped on the shoulder is real!

Getting back to 'normal'

So the furlough ended and the housemate went back to work although part-time. Brilliant! I can get stuff done! Well, that's a nope... It seems surviving the plague and not being killed by the panic attacks of being tapped on the shoulder did nothing for me.

I've since learnt I'm not the only 'creative' suffering this but getting back to normal meant a whole boatload of depression, self-doubt, anxiety and CBA syndrome. (that's can't be arsed if you didn't know)

To be fair installing my TV and Xbox in my office probably wasn't the best idea, but I've got nowhere else it can fit as I'm a size queen when it comes to TVs (bigger is definitely better) and no man's sky looks so pretty on it..

Letterkenny residents saying to be fair

I had big ideas and then I would fall down a rabbit hole of researching and taking notes for days or weeks, only to doubt my idea and toss it in the bin..

Or worse I would fall down a TikTok rabbit hole of cats and cosplay

There and back again..

Eventually, I got used to living with someone again, the fact they are fully back at work and I have the place to myself all day REALLY helps, but I still couldn't get anything done with my site or my services.  There was a glimmer of inspiration but zero motivation, so I took drastic action and turned my website off.

So here we are brand new everything I like to imagine if my website had a smell it would be like a freshly unboxed motherboard (I'm sure at least a few of you know that delicious smell).

Expect more of me. I'm not some corporate business, I'm not even an agency. I'm a Company of One and I plan to stay that way, I don't need the stress of being an employer, it's enough work being the slave to 3 cats.

Hopefully, by being myself you will think 'god I really want to work with her she sounds fun' and if you do then you are the person I want to work with. (my mum thought this was hilarious so hopefully, there are people out there with the same sense of humour as us)

Excited Man Saying Yes

If you don't think that then well I'm not the designer for you!